Why the Giant Robot Duel was Actually Super Lame

Last night, American robotics company MegaBots Inc. broadcasted a fight between their mech Eagle Prime, and the Japanese-built Kuratas. A spectacle that brought over 100,000 viewers to their Twitch channel.

You might think that there's no possible way to be cynical about the world's first mech battle, but you would of course be wrong. I'm gonna go ahead and tell you why this marvel of modern technology was a massive disappointment.

It took too long to Happen

MegaBots released their video challenging Kuratas in June of 2015, claiming that they would fight in a year. They then took over two years to make preparations, and built an entirely new robot from scratch. Some would say that two years is a relatively short amount of time to build a 15 ton robot, but those people are idiots! Don't promise a year, if you're not going to deliver in a year.

Eagle Prime is LS Powered

Ripsaw.jpg

The chassis that carries Eagle Prime is based on the Howe and Howe Technologies Ripsaw, a 430 horsepower LS3 powered tank. While we are willing to admit that tanks are pretty cool, LS swaps are booooring. Guys, next time your going to build a mech, power it with something cool, like an SR20 or 22R.

The Robots were too Slow

I don't claim to be an expert of engineering or hydraulics, but I bet I could build a faster robot. Kuratas took forever to even wind up a punch. You could've at least played back the fight at 5x speed, or something.

It was Pre-Recorded

If you don't get to see your giant robot duel happen live, did it even happen at all? This is a question that has stumped philosophers for centuries, but for me, the answer if definitely a no. I don't care that it took hours to repair the robots between rounds. I don't have anything going on. I would have sat in front of my computer for all 12 hours of the fight, and I'd be much more satisfied with that than what we got. Which was a half hour highlight reel of the actual fighting.

No one Died

The three pilots all walked away from the fight without any injuries, and that is just unacceptable. Is it too much to ask for Eagle Prime to pry open Kuratas' cockpit, and crush the pilot in its claws? Why not replace those lame-ass paintball guns with real cannons? They could have at least run over that annoying announcer. Basically, a giant robot duel that doesn't end in bloodshed is a total failure.

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