LA Auto Show: Everyone Announces Forgettable Crossovers with Terrible Names

The LA Auto Show is easily the most important automotive event that's not located in New York, Paris, Tokyo, or Detroit. That means that all the big manufacturers save their best to show off in Los Angeles. Everything from small SUVs, to large SUVs.

Nissan Kicks

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Honestly, I don't know what the name Kicks is supposed to mean. From what I can figure, it either refers to "urban" slang for shoes, is shorthand for "This new Nissan crossover kicks ass," or it's a reference to the forgotten hair metal band of the same name. Naming your car after a band might seem ridiculous, but just look at how well it worked out for Tesla.

As far as styling goes, the Kicks seems to have borrowed several pages out of the Hyundai Veloster playbook. I posted a picture of one a couple paragraphs ago, and I'm almost certain that you've already forgotten what it looks like. The Juke and Cube had very divisive looks, but you can't deny that those cars had character. If the Juke is Slipknot, then the Kicks is Staind. While the Juke had turbo, all wheel drive, and manual options, all of those are now gone for 2018.

Hyundai Kona

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As far as I can tell, Kona is Icelandic for woman, it's a town in Hawaii, or it's an old phone made by Kyocera. Remember Kyocera? The Kona just looks like a Kicks that had skinned a current Cherokee, and put on its dismembered face. The black fenders spice up the styling, somewhat, but they also give me Honda Element flashbacks. With an all wheel drive option, the Kona as least keeps up the appearance of off-road capability that Nissan has abandoned.

Lincoln Nautilus

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For a change, this name is not hard to figure out. the nautilus is a prehistoric creature that's not that impressive to look at, but has somehow managed to survive to the modern day. In that regard, the name is a perfect representation of the Lincoln brand. The Nautilus is little more than a reboot of the old Ford Edge (The Edge still exists?) based MKX. Unlike the other crossovers featured at the LA Auto Show, the Nautilus boasts a front end that the designers gave up on halfway through.

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The Entire Nissan Lineup with

a Bunch of Trash Glued to It

If you were a visitor of LA show, and somehow became tired of all the crossover reveals, you could take a break to feast your eyes on this grand art exhibit. Nissan showed off six cars decked out in Star War trimmings. My favorite has to be this Altima.

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It's got everything a Star War fan would want: plastic hubcaps, more plastic glued to the doors, and a porthole looking thing that completely obscures the windshield.