Mass Breakdown threatens Italian Economy

According to well known statistics, only about 50% of Italian built cars are running at any given moment, and once every 40 years or so, that number drops to about 5%. That's what happened yesterday, as almost all of Italy became stranded. Even those that were lucky enough to have a running vehicle, or smart enough to buy a foreign car, were stuck in the ensuing traffic jam.

Pictured: The last time this happened, in 1969.

Pictured: The last time this happened, in 1969.

Italians only work three days out of the week, and with most of the nation unable to make their commute, it could mean an economic collapse the likes of which hasn't been seen since the Great Depression. Fiat's headquarters are currently in lock-down, as an angry mob has formed around the building, looking for someone to hang. 

Italian Prime Minister Paulo Gentiloni made an official statement, ensuring his people that the situation would be resolved. The government keeps over 500 Mercedes-Benz built towing vehicles on standby for just this scenario. Unfortunately, 200 of those Mercedes are currently in the shop.