How to Monetize the Driving Experience

Last week, GM showed off a new app that let's customers order from partnered Brands directly through their vehicle. Frankly, I was shocked to see a company as old fashioned and un-hip as General Motors pull such a Disruptive move. My only real gripe is that they didn't take the technology far enough, and I've come up with a few techniques that I believe automakers can use to squeeze those few extra pennies out of their customers.

Pre-Crank Ads


If there's anything that my generation has gotten used to, it's the fact that we have to watch an ad before we can get literally anything done. Why should our cars be any different? I'm proposing 30 second ads that must be played in their entirety before the user can start their car. Approximately every ten minutes of drive time, you could also include banner ads that are displayed over the instrument cluster, and must be closed using the diagnostic controls. Some customers may be more reluctant to interface with Brands. In which case, you can allow them an ad free plan that only adds $10 to their monthly payment.

McDonald's Guidance

People of my generation are also slaves to our GPS, and if the car's guidance system subtly Influenced us to visit a McDonald's (or whoever pays more,) we would be none the wiser. All you manufacturers have got some major nerds in your employ, so I suggest that you get them to make a guidance algorithm that will always try to plot routes that go past a McDonald's. When the customer is within a certain distance of the partnered Brand, flash them an ad with a coupon deal.

Uber Integration

Don't you hate it when you desperately need an Uber, and their are no drivers around? What if every car had a potential driver? Uber Integration will automatically match your customer's route with those looking for a ride, then suggest that they pick them up. This plan will also be Gamified. No money has to change hands between Uber and the driver. If your customer fulfills their weekly goal of five successful rides, they will be given a digital voucher for a free Big Mac.

The #HashtagDiscount


This plan will be presented as an alternative to the $10 ad free plan. If the customer has at least 500 followers on a given social media platform, they can opt into the #HashtagDiscount. They will be provide the ad free plan free of charge, so long as they use your Brand's designated hashtags on social media at least once per week. If the customer fails to uphold their end, there will be a $500 breach of contract charge.

Automated YouTube Uploads


The Chinese have figured out THE way to make money on Youtube, and that is to program hundreds of bots that will automatically upload thousands of randomly generated videos every day. The other way to make money is to film car crashes. Now, what if we could combine the two? All these new cars already have multiple cameras installed on them. May as well put them to work. I'm envisioning the cars on-board cameras endlessly recording their environment. If the car detects signs of a car crash, such as a loud noise, it will automatically save the last minute of footage, and upload it to an automaker's specified Youtube channel, with a title such as, "Prius Car Crash Big Boobs Unboxing 2017."